howdy all, and happy 2025

it’s been a minute since i last posted an update, so here one is! i started about five different posts between this one and the last one, but never ended up finishing them. that’s pretty much my life, though. start something, get super excited and hyper-fixate for a couple days or weeks, immediately burn out, and not touch it again for ages. but hey, i am getting an adult adhd eval pretty soon, so maybe those days are limited? who knows!

other things that have happened-slash-are coming up include beginning my student teaching practicum in two days! scary! the holidays happened too, along with an ear infection that’s been hanging with me for about two and a half weeks now, despite antibiotics. as everyone knows, the holidays are always super fun happy times with absolutely no stess, so we’re doing totally fine at the moment.

nah, it’s really just that i haven’t done much today, haven’t been eating well, and my sleep schedule has been out of wack. but it’s fine. i’m trying to break out of that with some alternate activities. a marathon of video games was great up to a point, but then i got annoyed and pissed off. watching a live stream isn’t helping at the moment, because my eyes are strained and my brain is tired. i didn’t really want to do anything on the computer either, but figured i could use this as a medium for reflection. it’s kind of a mindfulness exercise. but i don’t know, something about typing all this doesn’t feel quite as satisfying as physically writing it out. not quite enough physicality to it, maybe? i can’t feel the texture of the paper under my pen, feel my arm moving in response to each thought. it’s still helpful, but not quite as much as it could be, i guess.

well that’s enough of that. i want to focus on some lighter topics, i think. despite my love of mathematics and my vision of myself as an analytical thinker, i don’t think it’s really accurate. i’ve always been interested in art, and in artistic expression. i think that’s another struggle that might be related to my own personal neurodivergencies, now that i think about it. i just don’t have the patience, the discipline, to repeatedly engage in those sorts of activities, to build skill beyond the basic talent that i already have. but still, occasionally i get the urge to do something. somewhat recently i stopped by a park during a bike ride just to enjoy some natural seclusion and quietude. on my way out, i happened to snap a few pics that i actually felt proud of. i was in a mood about like i am today and it was a gloomy fall day, i feel like my photos sort of reflect that.

as i was turning to leave, i found myself wanting to document the day before heading out. i looked around for inspiration and shortly found this leaf, a hole eaten through it by some insect or other. the geometry of the gaps and lines left between was beautiful. such delicate work by whatever force of nature created it. i was able to focus on the leaf, rather than on the woods around me and captured some cool detail in the leaf. i was pretty proud of how it turned out.

as i returned the leaf to its resting spot and moved on, i quickly spotted something that had been unnoticed to me as i walked up initially: a baseball! i was a little chagrined that i missed it, it’s white, for gods sakes! but the scene was set for me like i was supposed to find it. the ball, now abandoned, left to be reclaimed by mother earth, sat nestled in a mess of fallen leaves, themselves soon to be naught but dust. time is a flat circle and all things eventually return to nothingness. i find that endless cycle of death and rebirth comforting. every love must have its winter. what was once warm, lush, and verdant will decay, bolstering those that come after.

touched by the presence of the baseball, i bent to examine it a bit further, only to find that it wasn’t so abandoned as i thought! someone new had made their home here, even if only temporarily. food, shelter, and maybe a small bit of comfort (if snails can be comforted) were found by this little guy. and i find it pretty amazing that such a small creature could find such a small object in such a large forest. sure, snails might have the numbers advantage. probably one of them would eventually find it. but this one did! and on the same day that i happened to chance by it as well. an interesting and welcome coincidence.

i think that about wraps up my long-in-coming update. happy to be posting again. happy to be part of the great cycle of life. hope our earth holds out for many years to come. oh, and one last thing, we just got a new cat! his name is Butters, to go with our resident girl Peanut. they haven’t officially met yet, but here’s hoping they’ll be great friends.

till next time.